Day 20...

I dont have much time to write...Im using the wireless ethernet card that the army installed in my brain. All I have to do is think in my head what i want to say and it will automatically be entered into my blog. I have bad news for everyone....Ive become a POW. thats prisoner of war, for those who do not know. Me and the rest of myrocky mountain scout ranger squad had just stepped foot onto iraqian soil, when we were all ambushed and kidnapped. now we are all tied up hanging from the ceiling of a dark wet dungeon. I still have a plan for escape though. Just as we were being ambushed, i shoved my pistol up my anal cavity..I hope soon i will be able to retreive it and go on a killing spree. Just like the swollen members song. but i must go...unfortunately. Whenever i am wirelessly connected, it causes me to fart uncontrollably, and a loud whistling noise also emits from my anus, because of the barrel of the gun....I hope the gun doesnt go off, from the farting. I dont want anyone to get suspicious, from the sounds..... Wish me luck.

Bingo!

Last night i won $4750 at bingo. I didnt keep the money though. I donated it back, so they could make bingo better for everyone!! i got lots of kisses from the old ladies. on the lips. like full on make out kisses. it was awesome. I left to walk home, and it was dark. and late. almost 9 pm. i needed to go home and get to bed, or else id be in trouble from my parents. On the way home i was attacked. (no not by sharks this time) it was by a big creepy wierdo with scraggly messy black hair. and a bushy beard with bits of grey hair in it. he smelt of marijuana and was all tweaked out. and kept mumbling something about needing his coffee. He must have been watching bingo cuz he told me to give him the money I won or else. i told him i didnt have it and donated it. he was talking really fast. he told me to stop lying and being an idiot and just give him the money. i wasnt scared because im a karate expert. so i went to karate kick and punch him, but this guy is crazy...he must have known some kind of super martial arts cuz all of a sudden i was on the ground and paralyzed and he was searching my pockets...he found the $4750...he took it and ran off screaming excitedly.
yah...so i lied..i didnt donate the money. wanna fight about it? saying i donated it was much less embarassing then saying i got beat up and had it stolen by a wierd stoned hippie. yes i know i told you about me getting beaten up and stolen...but i wasnt going to. I just started typing and accidently wrote about it....anyways.
last night was my last night at home, as this evening, i leave for iraq. for those who havnt heard, me and the rest of my rocky moutain ranger scouts, were drafted for the army to go fight in iraq. we were told we would all get the death penalty if we didnt go...so we had no choice. I sure hope I dont die...i also hope they have wireless internet in the base camps, in iraq. then i can still blog while im there! if you dont hear from me in a week...then it means i am dead...i hope everyone will be praying for me!

from John.